Retirement sayings
and wishes

When it is your turn to say something special about someone who is retiring, your retirement wishes may be funny, heartfelt or both.

Retirements are about endings and beginnings and whatever you say about a retiree should be heartfelt and descriptive of the retiree's contributions in the workplace.

Below are some quotes to help you plan your retirement roast or a toast. For other ideas, see retirement speeches, military retirements, teacher retirements, and when you are the retiree.

Happy Days retirement song

Quotations
The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before your boss does.
--Anonymous

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
-- R.C. Sherriff

There's one thing I've always wanted to do before I quit: RETIRE.
-- Groucho Marx

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
-- Anonymous

Retirement takes all the meaning out of weekends.
-- Anonymous

Retirement is a time when you never get around to doing all those things you intended to do when you were still working.
-- Anonymous

Retiree enjoying fishing

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
-- Doug Larson

When one door closes, another one opens but we often look so long and regretfully at the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.
--Alexander Graham Bell

You're over the hill when your back goes out more than you do..
--Anonymous




You're getting old when there's no question in your mind that there's no question in your mind.
--Anonymous

Age doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.
--Billie Burke

You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
--Michael Pritchard

You're only young once but you can be immature all of your life.
--Charles Scoggins

Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.
--Maggie Kuhn

I used to dread getting older because I thought I would not be able to do all the things I wanted to do, but now that I am older, I find that I don't want to do them.
--Lady Nancy Astor

Retirement toast
Here's to Jack -- a great colleague we're telling goodbye.
There's no doubt we'll miss him... we cannot deny.
We have valued his work, his wisdom, his smile...
And we hope he'll enjoy a relaxing lifestyle.

Senior humor

When asked the secret of his long life, the elderly gentleman smiled knowingly and said he sprinkled a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The young man listening decided to follow that practice and every morning, he added a teaspoon of gunpowder to his oatmeal.

He lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 12 children, 24 grandchildren, 36-great-grandchildren, and a 12-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.



When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did.
In his sleep.
Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
--Jack Handy



God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to see the difference.

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