When it is your turn to say something special about someone who is retiring, your retirement wishes may be funny, heartfelt or both.
Retirements are about endings and beginnings and whatever you say about a retiree should be heartfelt and descriptive of the retiree's contributions in the workplace.
Below are some quotes to help you plan your retirement roast or a toast. For other ideas, see
when you are the retiree.
The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before your boss does.
When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
-- R.C. Sherriff
There's one thing I've always wanted to do before I quit: RETIRE.
-- Groucho Marx
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
Retirement takes all the meaning out of weekends.
Retirement is a time when you never get around to doing all those things you intended to do when you were still working.
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
-- Doug Larson
When one door closes, another one opens but we often look so long and regretfully at the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.
--Alexander Graham Bell
You're over the hill when your back goes out more than you do.
You're getting old when there's no question in your mind that there's no question in your mind.
Age doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
You're only young once but you can be immature all of your life.
Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.
I used to dread getting older because I thought I would not be able to do all the things I wanted to do, but now that I am older, I find that I don't want to do them.
--Lady Nancy Astor
Here's to Jack -- a great colleague we're telling goodbye.
There's no doubt we'll miss him... we cannot deny.
We have valued his work, his wisdom, his smile...
And we hope he'll enjoy a relaxing lifestyle.
When asked the secret of his long life, the elderly gentleman smiled knowingly and said he sprinkled a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The young man listening decided to follow that practice and every morning, he added a teaspoon of gunpowder to his oatmeal.
He lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 12 children, 24 grandchildren, 36-great-grandchildren, and a 12-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did.
In his sleep.
Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to see the difference.
Make a scrapbook for a retiree
Planning a retirement party