Humorous birthday toasts

Humorous birthday toasts and funny sayings give us a chance to laugh at the trials and tribulations of maturity.  After all, advancing birthdays are much better than the alternative.

If there's a significant birthday in your future  -- a number that ends with a zero or a five --  celebrate with guests by offering a funny birthday toast to yourself. After all, people love speakers who don't take themselves so seriously.  And if you're less than thrilled about getting another year older, remember what the late great comedian George Burns once quipped:

There's an old saying, "Life begins at 40." That's ridiculous.
Life begins every morning when you wake up.

There are hundreds of humorous birthday toasts. You've no doubt heard some of these funny birthday sayings:

    Lordy Lordy -- Look who's 40
    Isn't it nifty--Fred has turned 50.

Adult birthdays through the decades

Birthday toasts and sayings to make 'em smile

If your birthday party guests have a good sense of humor, you might want to pull out these adaptations below of popular birthday sayings and stories or check out this collection of baby boomer humor:

You're over the hill when your back goes out more than you do.
    --Anonymous

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
      -- Jack Benny

You know you're getting old when you bend down to tie your shoelaces and then think about what else you might do while you're down there.
     --George Burns

The generation gap is one war in which everybody eventually changes sides.
     -- Cyril Connolly

Dr. Seuss on the golden age
(slightly modified from a  bawdier version)
The golden years have come at last,
Why don't I feel this is a blast?

I cannot see, I cannot pee.
I cannot chew. What can I do?

My memory shrinks. My hearing stinks.
No sense of smell... I look like hell.

My body's drooping, got trouble pooping.
And people ask, "Why am I stooping?"

The golden years have come at last.
The golden years can kiss my ass.


Senior life on the highway

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful."

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car.
It's hundreds of them!"