Humorous birthday toasts and funny sayings give us a chance to laugh at the trials and tribulations of maturity. After all, advancing birthdays are much better than the alternative.
If there's a significant birthday in your future -- a number that ends with a zero or a five -- celebrate with guests by offering a funny birthday toast to yourself. After all, people love speakers who don't take themselves so seriously. And if you're less than thrilled about getting another year older, remember what the late great comedian George Burns once quipped:
There's an old saying, "Life begins at 40." That's ridiculous.
Life begins every morning when you wake up.
There are hundreds of humorous birthday toasts. You've no doubt heard some of these funny birthday sayings:
Lordy Lordy -- Look who's 40
Isn't it nifty--Fred has turned 50.
We could certainly slow down the aging process if it had to work its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at 60 . . . but everything else begins to wear out, fall out or spread out.
-- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out!
To 60 years and Social Security
Guess it's time to show some maturity.
70 years and he's going strong
He's still a hunk. . .perhaps not for long.
Today 50 is the new 35 and 80 is the new 60.
Here's to one who does not look or act their age!
Isn't it great to reach the stage of maturity when someone says, "You look good" and then adds "for your age."
Optimists drink from a glass half full; pessimists from a glass half empty. But since it's your birthday, drink as many glasses as you want.
Now you're at an age where you don't take yourself so seriously. So laugh at yourself . . . your kids do it all the time.
Another year older and wiser and bolder.
Now let us give thanks for those blessings we shoulder.
It's a scientific fact that people who have more birthdays live longer.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age.
Remember when you were 8 and couldn't wait to become a teenager?
Then you wanted to be five years older and reach 18. . . the next goal was 21 and you had the world at your fingertips. But what happened at 30? Okay . . . you still looked 22. Then at 40, not so much. And there's no need to go further.
Funny how our desire to age is inversely proportional to the years since our birth.
If your birthday party guests have a good sense of humor, you might want to pull out these adaptations below of popular birthday sayings and stories or check out this collection of baby boomer humor:
You're over the hill when your back goes out more than you do.
Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
-- Jack Benny
You know you're getting old when you bend down to tie your shoelaces and then think about what else you might do while you're down there.
The generation gap is one war in which everybody eventually changes sides.
-- Cyril Connolly
Dr. Seuss on the golden age
(slightly modified from a bawdier version)
The golden years have come at last,
Why don't I feel this is a blast?
I cannot see, I cannot pee.
I cannot chew. What can I do?
My memory shrinks. My hearing stinks.
No sense of smell... I look like hell.
My body's drooping, got trouble pooping.
And people ask, "Why am I stooping?"
The golden years have come at last.
The golden years can kiss my ass.
Senior life on the highway
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful."
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car.
It's hundreds of them!"