logo for specialspeeches.com
LEFT for specialspeeches.com

Funny military sayings

Military people usually have a dry sense of humor that produces some funny sayings. Here are a few that may work in your speeches.

The reason the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices it on a daily basis.

- From a post-war debriefing of a German General
We, the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have now done so much for so long with so little, we are now capable of doing anything with nothing.
— Unknown

Army food: the spoils of war
— Unknown

Draft beer, not people
- Bumper sticker

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
— Napoleon Bonaparte

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

— Ambrose Bierce

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
— Whitney Brown

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

— Groucho Marx

Murphy’s Laws of Combat

Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.

Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.

The easy way is always mined.

If the enemy is in range, so are you.
We are not retreating—we are advancing in another direction.
-- General Douglas MacArthur

A case of strange behavior

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again.
This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the Army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine is that the Americans do not read their manuals.
- From a Soviet Junior Lt's Notebook

The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his.

— General George S. Patton

Other links about retirement

Military retirement ceremonies

Military retirement toasts

Jody calls for a military retiree

Retirement speeches


When you are the retiree

Teacher retirements


American flags

Return from Funny military sayings to home page

footer for toast page